The answer is: nothing and everything. In many ways, this end-of-April season is like the many others before it...spring can't decide if it wants to make an appearance, or just skip straight to summer. The kids at school get squirrelier and more distracted as we approach the final weeks of the year. My co-workers and I are fighting to maintain order and a sense of structure and educational validity, and who knows if we're succeeding! There are bills to pay, schedules to maintain, and chores to do. Oh blah dee, oh bla dah.....
And then there's everything. Since 2013 hit, we've lost my mother-in-law and another dog. I hope you don't criticize me for putting them both in the same sentence. Their losses are large and have both created ripples that are pushing my lifeboat to who knows where.
Gram's departure still doesn't seem real. I miss her in spurts. A new season of Dancing With the Stars began, and I couldn't call and tease her about it. The quarterly reports for WalMart indicated a drop in revenue, and I laughed to myself that it was caused, in part, by the absence of Betty Irene. And when I was watching our church's General Conference broadcast the first weekend of this month, I couldn't call her afterwards and discuss the wonderful messages that were shared. Michael and his brother are tackling the worldy duties created by her death--paying final bills, packing up the house, working with a probate lawyer. But the emotional reality is a whirlpool--swirling up memories and frustration at her early departure, as well as (thankfully) a sense of peace and comfort in knowing that she's back with my father-in-law. I'm grateful for my faith and the knowledge I have that she IS reunited with him and the two sons she lost in infancy. I have no doubt that those 2 boys have picked up where Mikey and Darrin left off as far as giving their mother a hard time. Don't worry, she lived for it and loved every minute! But it pushes us to a new level of earthly existence--my husband is now the patriarch of our family. We don't feel old enough, or wise enough, to take on that role! (Well, maybe he does...I sure don't!)
Then there's my Lizzie. She was 7 years old, and I can truthfully say, the best dog I have ever had. And my life has been full of wonderful dogs. She was huge, loyal, and full of character! She was shepherd-ish, black and brown with one ear that stood up and the other that never did. She loved people, and when our grandkids started coming, she wanted to mother them SOO badly! She loved tennis balls and lying on top of my feet. She was protective and patient. Then, a couple of months ago, she started limping, putting very little weight on one of her front feet. We figured she stepped on something or pulled a muscle playing with Viva. It didn't improve, so we took her in. A huge tumor at the top of her leg had eaten away most of the bone. The choices--amputation or euthanization. The leg was so weak, the vet couldn't believe she hadn't broken it. I wasn't surprised...she was so smart, she knew just how much weight she could put on it. But we discussed it, and really, amputation wasn't an option. She weighed 105 pounds, and that plus the fact that the vet said there was a 90+ percent chance she'd get tumors again....the choice was clear. But that didn't make it any easier. I took her in 2 days later, and I have cried randomly almost every day since. Including now. She can't be replaced. But the truth is, another dog will probably come live at the Mahan home within a short period of time. Viva is lonesome, and these canines are just part of our lives.
It's a part of life. On the one hand, we wonder why we subject ourselves to the pain and work of loving someone, whether they're human or hound. But on the other, it's like Garth Brooks says in his song "The Dance"-"-I could've missed the pain, but I'd of had to miss the dance." http://youtu.be/k7FRbeaXjvk So I will go on missing them, and loving them. But mostly, being grateful for what they've given me and how my life is better for having had them in it. No, a wonderful mother-in-law and a loyal dog shouldn't be eulogized in the same way. But the point is that I don't have either of them here with me anymore, and their absences will be felt for a long time.
