The Struggle with optimism

At school, I am a member of the Character Ed committee. Every year we choose a different character trait for each month and encourage all the classrooms to teach and implement that trait. At our quarterly POW WOWs (awards assemblies), each teacher chooses a student who exemplifies good character and they are given an award and allowed to put a painted handprint on the wall in our main hallway. It's a big deal.

A couple of years ago, I approached the committee and suggested that I take the first week of every month to build and teach a lesson about the current trait. I knew that time was so precious for classroom teachers, and so my less-structured library was a good place to have a lesson/activity/discussion about the "trait-of-the-month". The committee agreed, and I've done it ever since.

It has been fun for me. I have enjoyed researching and creating short lessons to illustrate each character trait...responsibility, honesty, citizenship, and so on. It's fun to select a book to read to them that helps to explain these character builders. (Some of my favorites....The Empty Pot by Demi for honesty, Tops and Bottoms by Janet Stevenson for fairness, Arthur's Pet Business for responsibility, Stone Soup by Jon Muth for cooperation....) I have discovered that elementary students can be remarkably intuitive and perceptive when given the chance for such discussions.

So, here we are, the last month of the '16-'17 school year, and our topic is Optimism. This was a tough one to make into a lesson that 6 to 11 year olds could grasp. But after spending a few hours on the internet, I came up with an activity that has actually gone very well! Even my littlest ones seemed able to grasp the concept of looking on the brighter side and focusing on how to improve things when they don't go the way we wish they would! (P.S. The book I chose is Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...we read it and then talk about how poor Alexander could have made the best of his situations instead of just threatening to move to Australia!) Anyway, I had felt like this would be an easier topic for me to teach and model, since I've always thought of myself as a fairly optimistic person.

So much for thinking. I have had such a struggle with my positive attitude lately. I have been frustrated with work all year. I have lost sleep over Michael's job situation. Yes, even though he is now gainfully employed again, and in a job that we are very happy about, I still carry residual worry about it ......... and about money. We will move to Utah the end of this month, where once more I will need to find a new job. Once more, I had hoped that his new employment might mean that I didn't have to work. But it doesn't. And I'm grumpy about it. At 57, I'm nervous that I won't be as employable in my chosen career path...will a school want to hire a librarian that's only a few years away from retirement? And my other worry....will I have the patience and perseverance (another recent character trait, BTW) to effectively DO the job? The kids at my school the past 3 or so years have gotten progressively less manageable...and it wears me out. Getting up before dawn has NEVER been biologically easy for me. I don't like it. I don't want to do it anymore. It stinks. And I'm very frustrated with my limited mobility...I've been using a cane now for almost 2 years, thanks to severe arthritis in both knees. Bone on bone means I'm awful slow, and I can't walk very far without having to sit and rest. I detest the fact that every outing I go on is measured by how many steps I'll need to take. Yes, I need new knees, but even with insurance, it ain't gonna happen for a while. (Remember that money thing I mentioned earlier?)

Oh, don't get me wrong, I can still easily make a list of the good things. I AM grateful to have a job. I LOVE being a librarian. The health coverage offered by my district has been a huge blessing. It is a job that I can still do, even with my knees. My UT girls are so excited for us to come live by them, and I'm thrilled to live by them and their families. And Michael's job, and health, are both great.

My problem is that I can list the positives, but it doesn't seem to improve my mood. And that makes me angry with myself. I don't want to turn into Pollyanna, but I'd sure like these good things to push the frustrations farther back on the burners. Incinerating them would be even better.

Is this just a pity party, or a more serious issue? Yep, I worry about that one, too.

Oh, well. For now, just unloading it all on this poor blog will have to be enough. That, and the fact that we are only 2 and a half weeks away from summer vacation. I've never needed the break this much, and I pray that it will give me the attitude adjustment I so desperately need. There is much to do between now and Memorial Day weekend, and thankfully, I have terrific kids to help me do it.

Cue Annie....The sun'll come out, tomorrow...........